Eros Diluted
Pornography is the attempt to insult sex, to do dirt on it.
D.H. Lawrence
What is it with men and porn? I have heard a number of excuses from different men, but they all seem to say the same thing...it is harmless, it means nothing, it is liberating, it makes me crave REAL sex more. I once read that women should see men's interest in porn as sort of an appetizer, something that would whet their appetite for the real thing. But haven't you ever gone to a party and eaten so many appetizers that, by the time the main course arrived, you were too full to eat?
Unfortunately, the Internet has taken porn from its seedy origins to complacency. It has become mainstream. Need a stress reliever? Use porn! Need to spice up your marriage? Use porn! Want to be the "cool girl" on campus? Use porn! But porn doesn't really whet men's appetites, it just turns them off of the real thing.
There's an episode of Friends - The One With The Free Porn - in which Chandler and Joey discover they have tuned into a porn channel. And it's free. They leave the TV on, afraid switching off will mean no more pornography. By the end of the episode, Chandler is seeing the world through porn-tinted spectacles. "I was just at the bank," he complains, "and the teller didn't ask me to go do it with her in the vault." Joey, bewildered, reports a similar reaction from the pizza-delivery girl. "You know what," decides Chandler, "we have to turn off the porn."
Porn creates unrealistic values that women then have to live up to. How can we possibly compare to the air-brushed, silicone-enhanced Amazons who not only willingly but enthusiastically submit to any guy's misogynistic fantasies. Naomi Wolf compares our diet of pornography to our unhealthy consumption of fast-food, asserting that "if your appetite is stimulated and fed by poor-quality material, it takes more junk to fill you up. People are not closer because of porn but further apart; people are not more turned on in their daily lives but less so."
posted by Laury @ 2:15 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Great post!
If seeing a naked woman and getting excited is a perfectly natural thing for a man to do, then porn takes what is natural and ramps it up, but it also isolates sex from relationships - feeds us a sexual circus that poses as reality - and leaves us empty.
Porn may seem mainstream, but it's still an addiction that, exactly as you stated, builds unrealistic expectations for sex. I wish there were more people who identified porn as a problem, but it seems that if you don't like porn you are labeled as a prude, a religious zealot, or a censor.
Again, great post. And good luck with your man's kids. That's a hard situation to deal with.
~Douglas
-=-
The Splintered Mind - Overcoming Neurological Disabilities With Lots Of Humor And Attitude
I worry about the effect it will have on our children. It has become so mainstream I wonder if they will ever be able to experience the mystery and sometimes awe that comes when you first have sex.
Thanks for the wish of good luck, we definitely need it. That's one reason for this blog...I can vent without getting all emotional on him, and he can read it on his terms where he doesn't have to feel like he needs to always be on the offensive when it comes to situations involving the kids.
BTW Your blog has been so helpful! After finally coming to grips with my ADDness, I enjoy your insights and suggestions...and the fact that someone else sees and does things in much the same way that I do! Don't stop! Or at least don't let yourself get distracted (haha) from continuing it!
What a well-written post.
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